this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
