I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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