u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
