im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
