You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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