I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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