Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We don't watch enough power rangers
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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