So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize