At least make sure they are 18
Why
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
