I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
