Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
