i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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