where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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