Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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