I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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