okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
