You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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