I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
