ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
