Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
