Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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