Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
ok first of all what the fuck
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
