he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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