Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
NoShamevember. You game?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
