Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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