First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
