So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
