have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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