You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
