That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
