we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
