you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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