OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize