see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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