i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
