well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
