We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
