Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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