Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
