I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
