can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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