What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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