nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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