sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
