His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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