um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
