Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
