I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
