she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
