You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
