I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
