Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
