Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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