Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
