he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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