she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize