Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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