he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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