none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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