i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
