I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
this hospital has no fireball
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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