I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
