I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
