I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
