get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
