every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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