Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
