I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
