whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize