I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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